College

Fundamentals

Ok, lets start by saying I think you should go to college. In fact I think college is a good idea—at least in principle. Spending four years studying intensely In the field you plan on making a lifelong career sounds great on paper. Sadly though, once the real world gets involved it goes to hell.

First off those four years are a crock of shit. The vast majority of college students don’t finish in four years. Five seems to be the most common with 6-8 being the next most common. If it takes you longer than 8 years—give up—go home—and work with a shovel. Don't get me wrong, shoveling is hard work and anyone who can earn a living doing it is a better man than I am. But if you haven't gotten the college thing down in 8 years—GO HOME! Now what I'm talking about here are full time students. If you are working your way through school and aren’t taking a full load or cant devote as much attention to your studies because of work—then this doesn't apply. You people are probably driven enough to be successful. I would spend more time talking about that—but I don't really care too much if I hurt anyone's feelings.

Professors--Paid Baboons

The next most devious part is that they try and make you think that what they are teaching you is useful. Well, it might be—but most of the info they are spilling out comes from people who aren’t doing the job for a living. The prime source of corruption is the professor. Now quite a few people will say—If these guys know this much how come they are teaching instead of working. Well the justification they will give is always fun to listen too, but rarely matters one whit. I had accounting professors who had worked in the field before they became teachers—this told me they couldn't hack it. Some had two jobs and were currently working as an accountant or had a small business—this means that even if they are good they don't really have the time to devote to give you a good education. And most were just so damn old I think they taught so it would increase the odds that they wouldn't die alone.

Basically I don't have much respect for professors. In my entire college career I had one professor who I felt taught me something about accounting. And I had to wait till my senior year for him. I would say my first accounting professor taught me quite a bit, but I'm still mad at him for not telling us on our first day of class that we should get out before our souls were eternally damned and that accounting would completely ruin our life.

Anyways, the main reason to become a professor is the ease of the job. Any blamed idiot can be a college professor. You just have to be able to read.

Now lets look at what a professor does, lecture & test the students. You read a chapter go talk about it for an hour once or twice a week. The hardest part about being a professor is coaching your voice to be able to talk for a whole hour—sometimes longer. You can get quite parched having to talk that long, but being the professor means you can bring a glass of water with you to class so that pretty much wraps up the difficulty there. PLUS if you are there long enough-they will give you graduate students and you can make them give your lectures.

The other part of the job is testing the students. Well I'm sorry, but I have seen the teachers editions of the books—they come with tests. You just have to copy the damn things and again—make the graduate students grade them.

The funniest part about the job as a professor is it is actually considered respectable. Now the reason WHY its considered respectable is there are a few professors out there who do some work and try to teach, but they are probably young and haven't figured out how it works yet. Hell, I even considered being a professor. I mean there are worse ways to spend your day than looking at college girls.

Now this is usually someone else, but the job does sometime get forced onto a professor—the act of counseling students about their curriculum. In general—they will try and look like they know what they are doing, but the school prints books that tell you what you have to have to get a degree, so again this just proves they can read. Still—make sure you read the section on your councilor very closely.