|
How to irritate people in customer service.
I work in customer service. I
greatly feel for people who work in this field. That is why I am going to teach
you how to make people who work in this field suffer. Doesn’t see logical, well
here is why I am doing this. We have all dealt with crappy customer service.
They make it bad for everyone. As a customer I feel it is my duty to make sure
the Customer Service Rep (CSR) is in the wrong job. I need help weeding out the
bad customer service people, so you get to help.
Before we get started, I give you a little warning. Please keep in mind how
they can make your life miserable. Waiters WILL spit in your food. Phone reps
DO cancel orders. Checkouts will scan things twice. Weigh carefully your
timing and importance of what is being done and your desire for vengeance. |
|
“I’m sorry,
could you repeat that?”
is a wonderful way to annoy people. Using this once in a conversation flies
under the radar so much they wont even notice it. By the third time you say it
they will unconsciously start talking louder. The 5-7th they will
still be talking louder and be irritated. Nobody likes talking to hard of
hearing people. (Don’t feel bad, nobody likes talking to fat people either)
This is a great way to piss people off without giving them a reason for
retribution. Not only that, if they complain to other people they are labeled
an ass. If they truly deserve it (and after they have done everything you want
them to do) complain to their manager that they where yelling. |
|
If anything goes wrong at all, immediately ask if you can have it for free.
The amount of people, who do this, blows my mind. What’s worse is how often it
works. Customer service people are taught not to use negative words like “No.”
They are expected to use positive phrasing. Saying “I’ll mark this own as high
priority so we can get someone right out to you tomorrow afternoon” is much
better sounding than, “I can’t get anyone to your house until tomorrow
afternoon.” This generally keeps people peaceful, but it also gets thrown in
their face when you ask for ludicrous things. They are conditioned not to say
“What are you, Nuts?” when you ask if its free because they took an extra week
to get it to you. They couldn’t authorize it anyway. They have to find someone
above them (and who doesn’t hate talking to their boss.) If you are persistent
you will find someone up the chain who thinks their time is way to valuable to
deal with it, and give it away for free just so they can stop being bothered. |
|
Try to ask for
something they flat out can’t do.
Try to do an exchange in a checkout line. Ask the order taker at Wendy’s if he
can give you a discount because of how long you had to wait in line at the drive
through. Getting people to go outside of their scope is a wonderful way to
punish the person. I get a perverse joy in asking for a Big Mac at Burger
King. 95% of the time they say “Do you mean a Whopper?” I reply “What’s the
difference?” Until you have had a confused teenager trying to explain the
difference between a Whopper and a Big Mac, you have not truly been alive. To
summarize—Everyone gets pissed when they have to do someone else’s job. |
|
Ask them to do
stuff while they are helping someone else.
Yes people should know better, but lots of people don’t. Since they are paid to
eat shit, take advantage of it and wait until they are checking someone out the
say “Excuse me, Can you tell me where the socks are?” The clerk can’t act too
pissed. About the worst they can do is say, let me help this customer and then
I can help you. After all you did say Excuse me. Even if they pull the let me
help them first—start a conversation. “Hey no problem, I’ll be happy to wait.
I been looking for those socks for quite some time, I bet they are in an obvious
place. Do you get your socks here cheaper because you work here?” |
|
Ask questions
that there is no right answer too.The
people you are dealing with do not care. They don’t care if you are ripping off
the company. They just want to do their 8 hours and go home and watch TV or
download illegal music. However, they must pretend to care. Questions like…
“Now if I want to wear this once and bring it back do I need to save the tags,
or do I have to leave them attached?” or “Is this golf club good for killing
ducks in my back yard?” or “Now this is the sweet anti-freeze that dogs will
drink right?” generate a bad feeling in their gut. They know they should do
something about you, but they also know it will be a pain in the ass. |
