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Life Lesson from
the Poobah
Entirely too many people believe the crap that gets slung
in this world. Most people in this world are stupid. We all have to put up
with a bunch of crap because there are stupid people out there. We let people
grow up with false expectations that we should have put an end to when they
entered school. If I have confused you so far, I will not tell you which group
you are in. As a duty to everyone, I have constructed a lesson plan for
Kindergartners. I suggest you take this to the next school board meeting and
try to get this instituted immediately. These lessons will prepare
children for what is to come.
Lesson 1. Life is not fair. A random
child should be pulled aside once a day and spanked. He should be told he is
being spanked for no good reason, and to “get used to it.” Each day a new child
should be selected for a beating. After a week, the child who receives the
daily beating should be asked as he is returned to class to pick someone else
for a beating. The person chosen should be given ice cream. After another
week, the child chosen should actually get a beating.
Lesson 2. Good-looking people have an
easier life. The best looking children in the class should always be
allowed to go first in line. They should also get first pick of the toys during
playtime, and have an extra five minutes of recess. During those extra five
minutes, the least attractive kids in the class should look through Cosmo and GQ
to learn what they need to look like. True some kids are just plain ugly and
can’t help it, but hey see Lesson 1.
Lesson 3. Rich people don’t have to try as
hard. The class should be divided up by net income of the parents and the
top 10% should automatically get a bump of one letter grade over everyone else.
In addition the bottom 10% should automatically get a bump down of one grade.
The kids at the bottom can succeed, but they will have to work much harder. |
